Unrequited Love

I sat on my bed popping dark chocolate m&m's in my mouth. "I am not a stalker." I repeated this phrase multiple times to myself. Listening to Brittany Spears songs on youtube, I sat with my laptop open to his facebook page. Staring at his picture, which didn't resemble his current look in anyway. In the picture he had medium long dirty black hair hid under a tan fisherman's hat. He was shirtless in the picture, but showed nothing to do a double take at. Standing on top of a rock in the middle of a body of water. This figure in the picture, was not whom I liked. The person I gazed at every chance I could. This picture didn't resemble him in the slightest. In person he was gorgeous. He stood tall and thin. His buzz cut hair stood as a badge of being a student of JROTC. And the skater attire he usually wore fell on his thin bod, causing so many double takes that you would get a crank. The best feature, which definetly wasn't shown on his disgraceful facebook profile pic, was his award winning white smile. Biting down on lip, tilting my head to the right I dreamed of this smile. Seeing in my head him smiling upon me, it was throat thickening and heart pounding. Reading his information my affection for him grew. "My friends call me Justin. But you can call me tonight." If I had his number, and gumption I would call you. Family Guy and The News, were placed on his favorite tv shows. Omg, how cute is that. I think it shows he's a teenage boy who cares about the world. I bet he believes in global warming, but lets not get my hopes up too soon. His favorite books, the 66 books of the Bible. Now if that doesn't show dedication to God I don't know what does. The best part was his intrests. "I enjoy candlelit dinners, moonlit strolls on the beach, and drinking the finest of wine." Dreaming of that perfect situation me and him on that spectacular date, a smile creapt on my face. I imagined him holding my hand, smiling that perfect smile walking down the moonlit beach. How it seemed so wonderful and yet so improbable. It would seem the closet I would get to this angel of music, is his facebook page. The page at which I was currently drooling over. Also the page that he didn't know I was looking at. He has no idea of my existence. I admire from afar. Is that creepy? I wondered. He has no idea that I know him, or even that I am looking on his facebook page. I wonder if he would care. He probably has a million girls at the palm of his hand. I am not even managing to reach the palm of his hand. Insted I am the small speck at the bottom of his shoe. Ignored and invisisble. I go back and forth again and again, if it is worth liking him? My ambivalence of liking him, and him not knowing my being kept me pondering. Should I stop liking him, or should I march up to him and tell him I like him. Can't do either, having both an hopless romantic heart and no gumption. So my feelings for him stay an unrequited affair. He graduates this year, leaving in 6 weeks. The 6 weeks that most people can't wait to finsih, I dread of coming. So here I sit, now finishing the Britany Spears song. "My loneliness is killing me now." Could those words hold anymore truth?